In spite of what I implied in this post, sometimes I do take the elevator.
Occasionally I’m too exhausted to trek it up four flights of stairs, or I’m cursing myself for wearing 3-inch heels and my feet are begging for mercy. While other times, I literally have no clue how to get from point A to point B in my office building without taking the elevator. Have I mentioned that I’m brunette? All stereotypes need an anomaly, and that anomaly would be me.
Today was one of my elevator-opting days, which got me thinking. Every time one steps foot into an elevator, it’s a roll of the dice.
For the most part, I attempt to press the button that holds elevator doors open when I see strangers walking toward it. Ironically, countless times this has backfired as I almost always press the “door close” button by accident. To top it off, our eyes lock as the door closes. Awkwaaaaard.
If you actually do end up sharing the elevator with one or more individuals, a few different scenarios may occur:
Disclaimer: Each scenario assumes that all or most parties involved are strangers.
Enter the elevator alone? Give yourself a pat on the back. You’re home-free and can now take a sigh of relief because you’ve just avoided a potentially life-altering awkward elevator experience.
Enter into an elevator date (known more formally as sharing the elevator with one other individual)? This is where things start to get tricky.
Fortunately, I’ve never shared this experience, but, someone may pass gas. And that someone could be you. If your elevator partner is a male, then you’re set, because we all know girls don’t do that.
On the other hand, you are forced to choose between silence or making small talk.
No one. Ever. (Source)
Silence, while sometimes deadly, tends to be your best bet. If you open your pie-hole to make small talk, you run the risk of word vomit. If you accidentally word vomit after going out of your way to hold the door open for someone, then it’s your own fault. Lesson learned.
If three or more people enter the elevator, the possibilities are virtually limitless.
This will most definitely be awkward, but to what extent?
Should I make eye-contact?
Pull a Buddy the Elf and compulsively run my fingers up and down every single button to make a Christmas tree? <— Someone please do this and report back.
I wish I were a horse, so I could legitimately fake being asleep while standing up.
If you know you’ll be sharing an elevator with a bunch of acquaintances or strangers, I suggest bringing some type of dessert or appetizer to share. But then again, that could open an entirely new can of awkward worms.
Question: Do you take the stairs or ride the elevator? If you take the elevator, any interesting, awkward experiences to share?