Updating My Facebook is Mentally Taxing

Updating Facebook: Some people do it with discretion, while others do so with unbridled, reckless abandon.

During college, I more so fell into the former category. Updating my status several times a week or occasionally adding a photo – or entire album – was the norm.

If the dining hall was serving chicken nuggets, and I was hyped up, you better believe my status was getting an update.

If my dad was blow drying my family’s dog after a bath, of course this warranted a photo update. Duh.

Now, I typically reserve most of my musings for Twitter. For some reason, this social network generates, for me, personally, significantly less pressure. I don’t have to worry about how many “likes” an update will garner. I don’t really concern myself with how many “comments” – or lack thereof – an update generates. And, I take an “unfollow” much less personally than an “unfriend.”

Here’s the a play-by-play of the mental stress I experience when I update my Facebook page:

1. My hilarious, thought-provoking, (insert any other word synonymous with the word “awesome” here) status has been typed.
2. Allowing myself to feel vulnerable, I apprehensively hit “publish.”
3. Forty-five seconds later, I check my phone.
4. No likes. Sweat glistens on my forehead. Anxiety sets in.
5. I hit “refresh.” My internet connection must be messed up! Clearly. There’s no way a whole 45 seconds could go by and not one person has liked my status. Impossible.
6. Seventy-two seconds pass. I receive one “like” notification. Thank God.
7. (Insert expletive of choice here)! It was a relative. (It should be noted that for some reason “likes” from relatives hold less weight. You know, because they’re supposed to “like” your updates.) Hey relatives, this doesn’t give you a free pass to not “like” my updates on Facebook, just an FYI.
8. (Grab my phone to text my sister). Kels, I know you saw my status. Freaking “like” it already!
9. Another minute passes. A random acquaintance who lived in my dorm during my sophomore year of college gives me a “like.” I want to jump through my computer screen and give him or her a hug.
10. Two minutes pass. I realize my best friend who always, always likes my Facebook updates hasn’t liked or commented yet. I assume she’s dead – or in a coma.
11. I text her.
12. She responds.
13. (Breathe a sigh of relief). OK. She’s alive. I’ll give her another hour before I harass.
14. Thirty seconds pass. Two more relatives give me a “like.” One of them is my grandma. (Please forget everything I mentioned in #8 – except for the part where I encourage relatives to continue “liking” my updates).
15. I wonder why I ever update my Facebook page.

Moral of the story: Folks, let’s keep giving each other “likes” and “comments.” Share the love. It makes people happy. It makes me happy. It makes us all feel better about our lives. Just do it.

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